She Does Him Good: The Question Wives Need to Ask Themselves Each Day

"She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life." ~ Proverbs 31:12
The week had been hard. My darling husband had been working 5.30am to 5pm each work day, with issues at his site he was dealing with, and other commitments to be faithful to. As much as I was trying to support him, my own days were not easy. Being primary caregiver to two preschoolers for most of my waking hours makes the day long, especially when you're intentionally making most of the time given.

He was tired, I was tired. He was down, I felt low in spirit. He wanted to crash, I wanted to crash. In a situation like this, what is a wife to do?

As I was cooking dinner, the week only half over, I said to God, "Please, help me, Lord. I'm really tired. Tim's really down. I don't know what to do." I didn't want to be selfish, but I was feeling selfish. I wanted to stop cooking, shut the bedroom door, and have some down time. And maybe throw a pity party in it for fun.

And then, the above verse came to mind. It came so clearly, that I know (looking back) it was His Spirit. She does him good...She does him good... And I knew I had to ask myself the question,

How can I do good my husband right now?

Is it something practical? (Cooking, cleaning, taking the kids out)

Is it something helpful? (Running that errand, calling to book that appointment)

Is it something difficult? (Saying something he doesn't want to hear, but needs to)

Is it something challenging? (Going out of my comfort zone to honour him or being vulnerable)

Is it something restful? (A quiet moment, a date night)

There are so many ways in which we could approach doing our husband's good, but the most important thing beyond asking that question is - doing it.

Remembering the "She does him good" is one thing, but responding to our understanding of what that good is is another thing. Most of the time, when we're battling with the question, it's because we are not feeling like doing any good right at that moment. Like me, we're tired, or grumpy, or furious, or feeling absolutely forgotten. The very last thing we want to do to that man is good!

But Christ's ways are always counter-fleshly.

We say, "I ain't gonna speak to that man right now!", but God says, "Speak a gentle, edifying word" (Ephesians 4:15-16).

We say, "I feel so angry there is no way I want to pursue him romantically tonight!", but God says, "Love him, deeply, and from the heart" (1 Peter 1:22).

We say, "I've been up most of the night and have had no time to myself, there's no way I can deal with his birthday dinner tonight!", but God says, "Those who refresh others will be refreshed themselves" (Proverbs 11:25).

True, wonderful, unconditional, selfless love rises above our feelings and circumstances and puts the other person first. We are called to love our husbands, just like we love Jesus (Ephesians 5). We wouldn't deny Christ what He deserves as our Saviour - we wouldn't dare mutter, moan, or rebel against Him. Well, He asks us to love our husbands with the same kind of love.

I'm not a man and I'm not here to talk about what a husband ought to be doing for his wife. Friends, it's easy for us to throw that argument back when we're confronted with God's Truth about our own hearts and behaviour. Let's leave that up to the Lord and godly men who have ministries of encouraging husbands.

But I can tell you this: God never gives commands with conditions. He doesn't say, "Love your husband...when he loves you well". And he doesn't say, "Submit to your husband...when he is worthy of your submission". No, God asks us to do these things for His sake, not our husband's. We are to honour God in our marriage before our husbands and allow God to do any work in them that is required (and Him with us with the prayers our husband's are praying for us!).

As always, let us worry about our own relationship with God and how we are trusting and obeying Him. We are bound to Him and He to us, and in our marriages, He asks us to love and do good to our husbands the way we love our Saviour.

So let us ask ourselves the question, "What good does my husband need from me right now?"

Let's do that good...

And see God work wonders in our marriages.


  1. Great post. I like this example of doing good: "Is it something difficult? (Saying something he doesn’t want to hear, but needs to)" Oftentimes we don't include this way of thinking when it comes to doing good.

    I also loved it when you said, "I’m not a man and I’m not here to talk about what a husband ought to be doing for his wife." We do that so often when we don't want to deal with ourselves. Thanks for not letting us off the hook.

  2. Thank you, Yvonne! It's so easy to ignore what is on us as wives, isn't it? I think all women do it to some degree or another. It's a steep learning curve when the Lord kindly brings it to our attention.