Sunday, November 5, 2017

Learning to Say Sorry

I'm thirty-two and I think I am only just learning how to say sorry. Terrible, isn't it? Especially since I've been following the Lord since I was nineteen. If I've been listening to and believing in the Gospel message for this long and I am only just getting why and how to truly be sorry, my faith in Him must be still in it's infant/toddler years.

Failure to apologise or to even recognise I could be in the wrong (when everything in me believes I am right) all comes back to pride. No matter how much I want to argue the point or deflect the reason of my inability to acknowledge wrong/wrong-doing, the pure and unadulterated root cause of this is the sin in my heart, the sin of pride.

Ego. Haughtiness. Self-sufficiency. Self-glorification. Contempt. Self-importance. Superiority. Vanity.

These are it's forms in their various ways. Look at those words again. That is what pride is. And it's in all of us. We all are proud about something. We all think we know better, understand better, or are better than someone/something else. And this pride will manifest itself within us differently. 

For me - for a long time - it has specifically been living in disrespect to my husband (and a million other ways). Outwardly, this has come out in being argumentative, disregarding his thoughts or opinions or requests, feigning innosense or confusion about my reactions to something, disagreeing with him as a default position.

Seeing it written down like that is as galling as it has been as God has unveiled these secret places of my heart recently. Humiliating is one word to describe. Ashamed, mortified, appalled of myself are others. 

For so long, I just thought that my husband and I just had differing opinions about things. And when we argued or fell out about something, it never, ever occurred to me to apologise to him. If it did, everything in me rebelled at such a thought. What I was feeling or thinking was true, why say sorry for that?

But oh, the love of Christ. He loves me so much and too much to let me get away with pride. And, He loves our marriage too much to let it head in a desert direction because of this quarrelsome wife and her self-glorifying heart.

The first few times I apologised for something I had said or done, it was hard. I literally felt like I was swallowing my pride. But you know what it was like immediately after? Freeing. Sin unbinding, chains unloose. Sin has no power over me. Why? Because I am covered by the blood of Jesus, and I am loving like Christ loves me... Humbly, meekly, gently, sacrificially. And I pray that you might find that liberation from the binds you are bound to.

*Linked to The Charm of Home, Classical Homemaking, Teaching What Is Good.


  1. This was a wonderful perspective you have shared! I know this is hard for so many but, essential living as Christ intended. Thanks for sharing at Home Sweet Home.

  2. I will feature this tomorrow at Home Sweet Home!