Choosing Joy in My God-Created Personality



I've written before about how I have felt shame for needing to be home a lot. I have definitely compared myself to other women with young children, seeing their busy lives, and feeling like there is something wrong with me that I can't do that. It's so easy to compare in areas we feel weak in and allow that sense of shame to creep in and make us doubt. 

But two things have created a shift in me and my perception about myself.

A Personality Is Created

In my post about being easily tired, a woman left a comment that hasn't published (for some unknown reason, I have tried to figure out why) that really made me think. This woman said, 
"You're not a low energy, easily tired wife and mother...you're an introvert! However, those do come along with it. Introversion is not a bad thing, it's just not very well understood...If you've never read about being an introvert, please do. You will be amazed (and encouraged) at how well you'll identify with it and understand why you feel the way you do!"
Firstly, I just want to say thank you. I really believe God used you to plant a light of Truth in my heart about myself. I had never seen the connection between being an introvert and the struggles with energy. Suddenly, it made sense to me and just shone a bright ray of sunshine on my heart. 

I've known for so long that I am an introvert but have never read into it. I just assumed it meant I like staying home a lot and having quiet! Yet, I have never thought of the wider ripple effects of introversion. It is now my goal to learn more about this aspect of my personality that God has made me to be.

Which leads me to...

Contentment Within the Boundaries

God again led me to a woman who's words have blossomed more light into my heart about myself. I was listening to Durenda Wilson's podcast on The Distinctiveness of Boys (so good, you need to listen to it!) and to lay the foundation of her message, she spoke on loving and trusting God with the boundaries He has laid on His people.

It was in the context of the innate differences between boys and girls, but something in my spirit stirred and I knew there was a word for me about this struggle with shame I have had. In essence, Durenda was saying that it is God who has put us together. He has knitted our frames, our hearts, our personalities - He has laid the boundaries of who we are as individuals. 

When we accept and choose joy in those boundaries - wherever He has drawn them in our life - we will find the freedom and beauty that He sees because He made us:

"It's so important to have faith and confidence in God's good plan for us. And part of us understanding what His good plan for us is understanding and embracing those boundaries that He has put on us." ~ Durenda Wilson
God has made me - and you - exactly the way we are as part of a good plan. This is no trite meme that is often shouted at spiritual gatherings to make us feel good. The depth and breadth of it is far beyond what we can actually grasp since we are so entrapped within sin-entangled bodies, even faithful followers of Him. I will never understand the joy in God's heart over me because I just cannot see it - I only see through dark-coloured glasses.

But one day I will be able to see: I will be eyes wide open and know how wonderfully I am loved and perfectly created. I will see why He made me to be an introvert. I will see why I think like I do and why my heart hurts so deeply for different things.

Until then, I will still have to fight for the joy of being me. Different, a little odd - but me. I will need to defend the lies with Truth and know clearly the boundaries He has laid on me. There will be times I step over them and I will pay the price. But I know, so know, that life abundance will come as I stay within them with a quiet and thankful heart.

Tell me one part of your personality that you have sometimes struggled in shame over because it made you feel different?

3 comments:

  1. I am a total introvert too. And I struggled with guilt over not helping at church while being a homeschooling mom of four. (Wrote a post on it somewhere but can't remember what it's called.). I felt like people would think I was selfish. But I realized that my ministry in this season is my family, and that's ok. I need to put my all into these four souls under my roof and not let guilt push me to commit to outside things that would drain me and stretch me thinner. Someday, I will be in a different season of life and I can take on other tasks then. But till then, I decided to be okay with needing to be home and focus on home. (And I learned to be ok with being an introvert instead of feeling like I have to be an extrovert to be a 'good Christian.'. I can contribute in other ways like blogging or listening to a hurting friend or babysitting so others can do things. Extroverts and introverts have different but equally special places in the church.). God bless you as you shift to an at-home homeschooling mom. Beautiful post!

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